sci-fi author, beatmaker

Category: Problem Solving Page 1 of 4

Empowering Action vs. Depression

Recently I read Steve Pavlina’s post “What It’s Like Being Me”. Steve really enjoys being himself, it seems, and part of my reaction was a slow clap — good for you, you smug vegan, your life is so great. But on the other hand, I really like Steve and his writing has benefited me immensely over the years. He’s worked hard to develop systems to improve his life systems and states of consciousness, and I don’t actually begrudge him his positive mental state and enjoyment of life. Good for him (no sarcasm).

Steve’s take on depression did make me wonder if he understands the condition as a disease. He appears to regard depression as a poor life choice, writing that he is repulsed by depression, and that he simply chooses to not be depressed himself. I don’t want to take his words out of context, so here’s a direct quote from the post:

2019: Fun Times and Existential Dread

2019, for me, was a combination of fun times and existential dread. I love my family and friends and the time I spend with them. I released my second novel, completed the first draft of a third, and started on my fourth. I had plenty of consulting work and money in the bank. I had great times playing Dungeons & Dragons, Pokemon GO, poker, and a bunch of other games.

At the same time, I worried for my daughter’s future. Climate change is an existential threat, guns in schools are a constant worry, and every major city in California has tent cities filled with homeless people, many who are drug addicts and/or mentally ill. And our leader? We have a racist, short-sighted, vindictive president backed by at least 40% of the country.

I worry for myself as well. Will I stay healthy? Will I continue to have enough work as a freelancer? Will enough people buy and review my novels that publishers stay interested? But in my wiser moments I can see that these worries are just manifestations of my desires (longevity, wealth, fame in my profession) and are self-inflicted; being grateful for what I have in the moment is usually the remedy.

Eyes On The Prize: My Current Vision for a Messy Utopia

These days, reading the national news is like watching a whirlwind of shit in high definition.

Emboldened white supremacists, the orange racist-in-chief, plans for an expensive useless wall, a government actively working to roll back environmental protections of every kind. Not to mention the very real possibility of nuclear war.

So I’m writing this post to remind myself what kind of world I’d like to live in. What kind of policies I’d like to see in place, in a more sane world.

I don’t believe in the pursuit of perfect utopias. Reaching that high is like flying too close to the sun. You have to start with a clean slate to build a perfect society, which means destroying everyone and everything and starting over. Which has been tried, several times in history, and generally ends in mass starvation and/or genocide. So no thanks.

The alternative is a messy utopia, one that builds on pretty good systems that already exists, one that takes a more-or-less empirical approach to solving problems, and one that doesn’t require perfect moral behavior on the part of its citizens. I’ve written in more detail about this idea here.

Problem List and 30-Day No Worrying Experiment

No worries.

Over the past couple months I’ve been maintaining two new lists:

  1. My problems.
  2. Things I’m looking forward to.

I update both on a weekly basis, along with progress towards my current goals. The point of the new lists is to get better in touch with aspects of my life that are effecting my emotional state. And to find ways to deal with the former, and enhance/magnify the latter.

New 6-Week Experiment: Living With a Disability


On the evening of Dec. 9th I stepped off my skateboard the wrong way and broke my foot (three fractured metatarsals — see above). Thinking it was just a bad sprain, I took a Lyft home and rested on the couch, watching my foot swell up to alarming proportions. Come Monday: doctor’s office, x-ray, a compression splint, the threat of screws and surgery. But after many scans and tests, I managed to dodge a bullet. No surgery required, just six easy weeks in a cast.

So, it’s my turn to learn. What’s life like with reduced mobility?

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