Rock solid.
It’s futile to plan your whole life. Nobody’s life goes according to plan.
Q: How to make God laugh?
A: Make a plan.
But it’s also futile not to.
I deleted a blog post yesterday. It was all about how I’ve been sleeping better (which is generally true), and what’s been working for me (getting more bright light in the morning, some EFT techniques, herbs to reduce cortisol, calcium+magnesium, and so on). I’d written the post after sleeping a perfect seven hours without waking up at all (without any sleeping pills or megadoses of vitamins). I thought I was over the worst of my sleeping issues.
But then the night before last I didn’t sleep at all. Not a wink. Aside from a late dinner and staying up a bit too late watching Netflix (with f.lux and my amber glasses), I’m not sure what I did differently.
So … back to the drawing board.
I’ve had other health issues that persisted for months or years, then resolved, either because of active intervention on my part, or for reasons unknown. Hopefully these sleep challenges will go the same way. It’s something that I can influence (through good habits, and trial and error experimentation), but not completely control.
Just like most things in life.
What I can do is imagine and plan for the life I want, long-term. Do I want to be around in ten years? Yes. Twenty? Yes.
Forty more years? Let’s see how I feel, if I make it that long. Maybe by that time it will be time get my brain scanned and upload to the cloud.
I took a few minutes to jot down some big picture notes for each probable decade of my life. I know I’m not immortal, and recent health challenges have brought that fact into focus (as have the two recent deaths in my family, and the sudden passing away of an acquaintance). But if I’m fortunate enough to live for a long time more, what do I want to do with all that time on this fine planet?
Regular readers will guess what’s on my list. A career as a novelist. Maybe a hit track or two. Build the ultimate gaming room. Later in life, teaching. Maybe be a grandparent one day. Visit the continents I’ve yet to visit. Push for social and enviornmental progress. There’s a lot to do.
It’s easy to get obsessed with the details, problems, and worries of the day. But yesterday I took a different approach … focussing on why I’m here and what I want to do with what is (statistically) probably a very long amount of time.
I found these thoughts very comforting, and despite my zero hours of sleep, I had a good day, both productively and emotionally. I zoomed out, focussing on the big picture, what I want to do in the decades to come, and how I want to live (having fun, rejecting stress, being kind, working passionately, etc.).
What doesn’t kill you doesn’t make you stronger. It leaves you scarred, and maybe a little scared. But scars are better than wounds. The body and brain do tend to heal and rebalance, if given the right raw materials and a supportive environment.
Last night I slept pretty well. Another gift, and something I’ll never take for granted again. Just like I’ll never take breathing for granted, or eating.
I know why I’m here. Not because I’ve discovered some kind of universal life purpose, but because I’ve decided for myself. And I know what I want to do with my time. I know why I need to stick around, and get past the struggles of today.
That knowledge is my rock. It keeps me steady in rough weather.
So what about you? What’s your rock? Why are you here? What’s your master plan?
Sara
I think you are onto something regarding not getting too bogged down with the details of life. Zooming out for a wider angle, overview really helps me let go and relax my grip a little when I find I’m getting too obsessive over solving something specific. Perhaps relaxing about why something isn’t working for us allows us to better connect with the more intuitive wisdom of the right brain?
J.D. Moyer
Agreed! Usually we have to take action to solve problems, but the course of action isn’t always clear. The challenge for me is doing what I can–what will probably help and not hurt–and then get out of the way and get on with my life. Focussing too much on any problem, even a personal one, can blow it out of proportion.
I remember when I was suffering from asthma symptoms (for years) I was careful to avoid saying “my asthma” or to refer to myself as an asthmatic. I didn’t want any health problem to become a permanent part of my identity. At least psychologically, that distinction was helpful. So the same goes with any category of problem (health, money, relationship, etc.)–there’s no need to identify with the pathology. Instead I try to identify with what’s working in my life, and the person I want to be, and let the good crowd out the bad.
hooftales
As usual I enjoyed this most recent post. sorry to hear that you’re not sleeping well 🙁 hang in there,
for me, contact with an animal friend often helps. I lived on a farm for years and when severely distressed I would go out and sit with the cattle and listen to them ruminating and look at the stars. i don’t live there anymore but I can still “go there” in my mind.
“There will be stars over the place forever, though the house that i loved and the lane that i loved are lost. every time the earth turns again in orbit, on the night the vernal equinox is crossed , two stars I knew –, poised on the point of midnight– will reach their zenith; stillness will be deep. There will be stars over the place forever. There will be stars forever, while we sleep. ” (Sara Teasdale i think?)
J.D. Moyer
Thanks! Definitely cuddling with the dog a lot (and my wife and kid too). Knock on wood, but the last few nights I’ve slept well, seven hours, and only awake for a short time in the middle of the night. I’m actually getting sleepy in the evenings too (not just tired). I *think* I’m getting better, but I don’t totally trust it because I thought I was getting better before, and then I had the random all nighter.
One night at a time. Thanks for the kind words and the quotation.
Anonymous
Was curious about your new sleep supplement stack. You allude to “herbs to reduce cortisol, calcium + magnesium”. Could you share some details? I too struggle with insomnia and appreciate any insights you may have! Thank you in advance for your time.
J.D. Moyer
Sure thing. The most effective interventions have been around light.
– AM bright light, getting outside
– direct sun on skin if possible
– amber/orange glasses after 8:30pm or so
– red shift all devices/screens in the evening, with f.lux or similar software (or just turn them off)
– dim lights in the evening
In terms of supplements, for me B-vitamins and some minerals (zinc and copper) seem to contribute to insomnia, so I’ve cut those out and just get them from food.
Before bed stack is:
– 100 mg magnesium taurate (Swanson)
– 175 mg calcium citrate (Swanson)
– 400mg l-ornithine
– 750mcg melatonin (quarter of a 3mg pill)
– 25mg niacinamide (quarter of a 100mg tablet, Source Naturals)
– 6mg boron (not every night)
These doses are pretty conservative … some people respond well to 400mg magnesium and 400-800mg calcium, and up to 500mg time-release niacinamide. Higher doses of melatonin might give your strange dreams and disrupt sleep, but probably won’t hurt you.
If I wake up in the middle of the night and have trouble getting back to sleep, I take 2 capsules SleepThru from Gaia Herbs (main ingredients ashwaganha, Magnolia bark, passionflower).
Sometimes I’ve taken Holy basil extract with water before bed and that seems to increase the chance that I’ll sleep through the night (or get back to sleep quickly if I wake up).
I’ve taken about 10mg CBD oil, maybe 10 times total, during the day or evening. It doesn’t seem to make me sleepy, but overall I think it has helped me be less wound up/wired. I don’t respond well to THC, but for many people Indica helps with sleep.
Sleep restriction has been helpful too … not going to bed too early, and getting up at the same time.
I bought the “Biohacking Insomnia” eBook from selfhacked.com and found it helpful … lots of good information.
Good luck! Lots of small changes can add up quickly for improving sleep.
Aaron Ashmann
To be honest, I’d be wary of all the supplementation with a lot of sensitivities you’ve mentioned. I’d probably stop heavy activity in general if you and make sure to walk in the morning and possibly early evening. I’d stop drinking coffee or caffeine. If you can get a massage at night for stress relief, I’d also suggest that. Also, I’d consider a little bit of fruit with maybe a little bit of fat at night. Adaptogenic herbs keep me up and they might be having the opposite effect you might think. Also, is your room completely dark with no noise? Have you turned off all of your electronics? I’d try the most simple things before adding anything. Honestly, your bed stack as listed would probably have me pass out and then walk up an hour later staring at the ceiling…
J.D. Moyer
Thanks for the comment Aaron. I’ve cut my caffeine intake about 90%, dark room at night, earplugs, amber glasses in evening, electronics off 1-2 hours before bed, etc. I’m taking quite a few supplements but the doses are low … I’ve seen up to 1000mg calcium, 500mg magnesium, 500mg niacinamide, 5-10mg melatonin, etc. recommended for sleep. The stack seems to be helping and it’s keeping me off the hard stuff.
Last night I slept from 11-6:30, was only up about half an hour or so in the night. If the good sleep continues I’ll taper off most of what I’m taking.
Anonymous
Always enjoyed your post. There are lot of intelligence and deep thinking in your writing. Those who comments are also most interesting to read. You are a highly sensitive person and like everyone, experiment some unbalance health episode. The key is to discover what is good for you to get the perfect balance in your mind. It is a challenge and there is no universal recipe. I liked all the above comments. Recent discoveries in the mechanisms of digestion reveal that our digestive life is in direct relation with our brain (Witch, by the way is so complex that it is a miracle that he can function while having not so good way of life). In the search for a good balance, the learning of how function our body is helpful. I encouraged you to read: .
GUT: THE INSIDE STORY OF OUR BODY’S MOST UNDERRATED ORGAN (REVISED EDITION) from Giulia Enders .
Continue to search for what is good for you and keep writing for the sake of us.
Benoit Chouinard
G.
One thing that helps many women with sleep is using the hormone progesterone, even a very small amount of an over-the-counter, relatively-inexpensive cream (I like the unscented one by Emerita) — I realize that you are a guy, and I don’t know the ins and outs of hormones, but if trying a small dab of progesterone cream in the evening wouldn’t be too detrimental to your male hormone balance, maybe you could give that a shot for a couple of nights. If it would help, I think you’d notice it right away – I did, and other women I’ve spoken to also noticed it as soon as they started taking some progesterone. I am in perimenopause and I use just 1/8th of a teaspoon of the cream (by rubbing on my skin in a few different spots in rotation – such as forearm, then shin, then chest, etc.) once in the morning and once at night, and I find that it really helps me to feel drowsy and drift off to sleep – and this is a common reaction, it seems.
Another thing that I took for a while that made me fall asleep easily and have interesting, helpful dreams was turmeric (I just tried ordinary 400 mg capsules of turmeric plus 50 mg curcumin extract from a couple of different better-quality drugstore supplement brands). Turmeric was amazing for me in lots of ways – it quickly and totally removed my joint and tendon pain, better than any OTC pain medicine – but it had some negative side effects for me, and I had to stop taking it.
One thing that helped me sleep better through the night was getting light-blocking blinds and then installing light-blocking curtains over them — now, it’s very dark in my bedroom, which suits me just fine.
I haven’t read your blog in a couple of years until just this minute (landed on this blog post after a search-engine search that I did for something unrelated), so I don’t know what you’ve tried so far, but I’m sure that you’ve read about how taking a warm bath/shower and finishing it about half an hour before you want to get into bed can help because it warms you up and relaxes your body, then the rapid cool-down once you are done bathing and are in your jammies (or whatever) leads the body physiologically to feel ready for sleep.
I tend to have cold extremeties (even when it’s quite warm in the room and outside), and for me sleeping with well-fitting, warm, natural-fiber socks on (even in the summer) helps me to fall asleep and stay asleep – there is research showing this can help people sleep better, so might be worth a try for you, even if you don’t have cold extremeties and live in a warm climate/house.
You’ve probably read about eliminating sources of electromagnetic radiation in the bedroom if possible, such as wireless home phone systems, cell phones that aren’t on airplane mode, smart tvs, computers, routers/modems, electric blankets/heating pads, etc.
Some people who have had “smart” meters (for utilities) installed in their dwelling or even just in a nearby home/apartment have complained (online) about sleep disruption and mood/health disruption from them.
Many people say to avoid exercising in the late afternoon or evening because that revs a person up, but recently I’ve read that doing so has been shown to help some people fall asleep and stay asleep – it just depends on one’s body clock and what works best for the individual.
I think I read that ashwagandha can have the opposite effect on some people and may give them more energy and make it harder for them to fall asleep – you might see what it’s like if you don’t take it but continue with your other supps.
Valerian and chamomile are herbs that apparently help – I expect that you already know about them.
I briefly tried maca (1 month) and it seemed to bring forward the time I naturally felt sleepy and wanted to go to bed and fall asleep – which was a welcome effect, but unfortunately I had unwanted side effects from it and couldn’t continue taking it.
You have probably already had a physical checkup – had your thyroid levels, other hormone levels checked?
Again, I don’t know your background info on this issue which you’ve probably described already, but you might just be a natural night owl and maybe shifting around your timings for things you must do during the day (which is often NOT possible, of course) would help you get better daily sleep. I naturally gravitate to sleeping between 3 and 11 am or even between 5 am and 1 pm, no matter what, and if I can arrange my life to allow for that kind of a sleep/wake schedule, the benefit to my health and mental outlook is amazing.
J.D. Moyer
Thanks for the sleep tips G. I’ve been sleeping much better in the past weeks. Mostly I think my stress levels are coming down after the recent traumatic events. But supplements like magnesium and low-dose melatonin have definitely helped.